Somehow We Took a Wrong Turn

I have been talking with friends lately about how they make decisions, specifically decisions which lead to the end of something- quit a job, end a relationship, leave a city and such. The emotional strain of being the initiator of an end is already hard on the human psyche, but there is an added exhaustion that comes from having to stand firm against the momentum of the every day.

We are creatures of habit, and most of us start on a path and continue until something stops us. We love living in our a frictionless world.

Where does our courage come from ending things? Of course, there is something to be said for situations that have become too much to take, but the healthiest among us dare to end things before they become unbearable. What makes them different, and what can we learn from them? I think it comes down to two things; not allowing fear to dictate decisions, and deciding to maximize joy.

I feel as much fear as anyone else. I am afraid of saying the wrong thing or making the wrong choice, of damaging relationships beyond repair, but I have taught myself to pay close attention to that fear and recognize it for what it is. Whenever I feel fearful, I focus on that fear, have a conversation with myself about what exactly I am reacting to and what I believe the risks to be. I reflect on my fear constantly, and I never allow myself to make a decision based on fear. The risks I am reacting to play a part in my choice, but I try never to make emotionally based decisions. Fear is an indicator that I need to pay attention to, but it is not my guidepost.

Rather than orient our lives around joy, many of us have become fear and suffering obsessed. Instead of maximizing our joy, we have decided to optimize our suffering because we believe it is valuable and somehow makes our lives more meaningful. This "no pain, no gain" story we have told ourselves for generations is hurting us.

Let’s mindfully maximize our joy instead.